Forgiveness is always such a tricky issue. There are two levels to it:
1. Many think — why should I forgive?? This or that person has done this unforgivable act, hurt me, betrayed me, or whatever else. I shall NEVER forgive. The thing is, your not forgiving that person is not going to do anything to that person. But it will do lots to you. The anger, the resentment will make you very unhappy, and will lead eventually to sickness. So your decision to not forgive someone is not going to hurt that person. It will hurt only you. Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness is so you can let go and move forward with your life, be happy, be healthy, and not let what happened in the past affect your present or your future.
Forgiving a person does not mean you are condoning the act. It does not mean you need to send flowers to the person or send hearts and smileys in text messages :). You don’t even need to go hug the person and fraternize with the person if you don’t feel like it. All you need to do is let go of fretting and fuming, be willing to forgive, let go of the incident(s), hold no more grudge against the person (because the grudge will only hurt you, not the person you are upset with), stop blaming the person for all your misfortunes (because we create our reality not someone else), and agree to move forward with your life with a healthy happy mind and body.
2. Second layer is when people know that forgiveness is good for them, and really want to forgive, and yet the anger keeps coming in the way.
I was reading Louise Hay’s beautiful book “You Can Heal Your Life”, and there was an affirmation there that really shone bright like a sudden lightening in a dark dark night! And it suddenly made it really easy for me to forgive. It is my hope and prayer that it helps you as it has helped me. It says:
”I forgive you for not being the way I want you to be. I forgive you and set you free.”.
That is so TRUE! Aren’t we upset with people because they are not what we want them to be (right or wrong, good or bad)? Well, people will be what and who they are. They will change when they need to, and by their own will. No one ever changes because others want them to. They might pretend to be a certain way, but they don’t really change. And when someone needs to pretend to be a certain for someone, that again leads to yet more resentment.
This applies to us as well. Doesn’t it? And FIRST of all, it applies to us. Because when we forgive ourselves and accept ourselves just the way we are, we are much more accepting and forgiving of the rest of the world.
I forgive myself for not being the way I want me to be. I forgive myself, and set myself free to be just the way I am…right now, at this moment. And I love and accept myself as I am.
When we are totally comfortable with ourselves, and do not feel badly about ourselves, when we do not feel guilty about various things, and are not blaming ourselves, we will not feel the need to blame others. We will be much more forgiving and accepting of others. Often when there is self blame, when we feel badly about ourselves, we feel the need to blame others to feel better about ourselves…we feel the need to assign blame somewhere else.
So to begin healing, we should begin with forgiveness, and first of all begin with forgiving ourselves.
What do you need to forgive yourself for?
Think about what you need to forgive yourself for.
Louise Hay says people who suffer from pain have a lot of guilt. I do suffer from Migraine and back issues. And I wondered at first – what guilt? The angels have often told me too — you need to forgive yourself. And I have often wondered what do I need to forgive myself for? I couldn’t think of anything, or maybe I didn’t want to.
Last evening it suddenly dawned upon me. I am forever feeling guilty about not being able to be a perfect mom or about keeping my home clean all the time. Yes, its hard also because I am busy, but the reason also is that I simply don’t enjoy house work! I don’t enjoy cooking and cleaning! There! I said it! Its considered a sacrilege for a woman to say that even today, where women all around are competing in showing off how they cook this or that “from scratch”, or how they keep their house “spic and span”. Don’t get me wrong…I have nothing against women who do all this. I just wonder at all the “looking down upon others” that goes along with this for many. LOL!
So my saying that I really dislike cooking and cleaning will raise many eyebrows among the “I am the perfect mom club”. Well, I am not perfect. Actually, that’s the thing. I am far from perfect. I’m not even just alright. I really am bad at it! And no one forced me to be a stay at home mom. I chose it myself. I chose it because I want to be around my children a LOT, no matter how bad I am at cooking and cleaning. And I chose it because I do not have an appetite anymore for the corporate world. I really would rather be with my kids, and work from home. But, the fact remains, that often the dishes remain piled, things remain scattered in the house, laundry not done. And did I mention I really don’t like cooking? LOL!
I look around me, and I see women handle their homes so well (and now I’m not talking of the ones who are looking down upon others. I’m talking of regular normal women). And this fills me with guilt. I feel terrible. I feel really badly about myself. But I cannot change the fact that I don’t like cooking and cleaning. I really really dislike it with ALL my heart and soul. I prefer doing angel readings, healings, writing, counseling, reading, and some creative art work (which changes from time to time). My house often remains neglected. So this leads to living with heavy duty guilt. Heavy duty guilt leads to some heavy duty pain.
What else do I not like about myself? I am fat. There. I said that too. No mincing of words. And I hate that. I don’t even want people to see me! I hate to be in front of the camera. I won’t make videos of EFT because I am fat and I don’t want people to see me.
I need to forgive myself for not being what I want me to be, and accept myself just the way I am today, at this very moment. I am perfect right now. Just the way I am.
Just saying this affirmation frees something within me, and I am not afraid of making that video anymore. I really do accept myself just the way I am. And I accept you just the way you are.
There will always be a way out with the house stuff too. Either I can EFT myself to stop hating cooking and cleaning so much, or I will find a way to afford more regular visits from the cleaning ladies, and afford a cook…or who knows, the Universe might have yet a new solution. But I do not need to live in guilt and pain. I do not need to feel so badly about myself.
Look at your own lives. What is it that you are not accepting about yourself? What is it that you need to forgive yourself for? Begin your healing journey with forgiving and accepting yourself. And you will find that you can forgive and accept others much easier. Write to me below about your own thoughts and experiences regarding self forgiveness, and accepting yourself just the way you are.